Story of Strength

I was raised in a very emotionally, spiritually broken home.  My mom left all three children with our dad when I was 13 years old.  When my parents got married, their ages 16 & 17, because my mom was pregnant with me.  So, with that said, the first 13 years of my life my mom had a lot of bitterness and resentment toward me because she would tell me frequently how I messed up her life! Then when she left us with dad, he picked up the broken pieces that we felt as children,  abandonment, unloved.  He showed love, compassion and devoted the rest of his life to us kids.  He never dated or drank alcohol was always there to reinforce his love for all 3 of us kids. 

After she left, we had no contact with her for over 15 years.  We continued to live in the same house that she left us 4 years before moving and year after year, we would look forward to a phone call or a birthday cards, Christmas cards and never received either.

Years ago, she has been diagnosed with bi-polar, manic depressive with a psycho-personality and is in a nursing home for incompetent here in Cincinnati.  After church on June 24, I went to visit with her only the second time while she’s been there and only 3 times in the past 18 years. I took her outside in the beautiful sunshine and got to have a good visit, that I got some answers to why she thought her life had ended up the way it has?  I wanted to find out to help me with my own brokiness. Everyone looks at me, as though I have it all together, which I do with all to be the Glory to God, my earthly father and my grandmother, (my dad’s mom) which picked up the pieces, once my mom had left us. My mom’s comment to me was that she never felt loved, could never do anything right in the eyes of her parents. Without being shown love, she didn’t know how to give love either and these are some of the factors in the decisions that she made in her past life. Environment plays a role on decisions of children into the future. I don’t think people realize that the decisions they make currently have a great impact on their children’s future.

I’m sharing this because I’ve gone through life not feeling worthy and have had a emotional eating disorder. I went to food for comfort and still struggle with from time to time with fear and anxiousness.  If we can get the word out for everyone to love each other no matter of the circumstances and that hurting people hurt people, maybe this broken world would become a better place.

God has been working on me to show her compassion and love even with the past hurts that I’ve had from her so I wanted to share my story.